Trials and Chicken Poop

For the last several years, my family has been growing tomatoes at a local community garden. With basic maintenance, we could get our plants to survive, and maybe even give a little fruit. But we want our plants to thrive and be filled with large, sweet, beautiful tomatoes. So we water them daily, and while they're still young, we surround them with wire cages to help them stand straight.

One of the hardest parts of growing tomatoes is pruning them. Several times a week, we examine our plants for suckers - branches growing where they shouldn't be - and remove them. In themselves, suckers aren't a bad thing, and sometimes it's a hard decision to remove them, because they've been allowed to grow for a while, they look healthy, and they may even have some fruit on them. However, they make the rest of the plant weaker, and take vital energy from the main branches and the larger fruits growing on them.

The first couple years we grew tomatoes, things went very smoothly. Our plants produced huge quantities of large, ripe fruits, with no effort beyond watering, weeding, and pruning. But then  several years ago we had a blight which ravaged the entire region. Everyone seemed to be struggling. No matter how carefully you attended to your tomatoes, the fruits would rot right on the vine. Every harvested tomato was a victory.

Ever since the blight, we've noticed that it's harder each season to get our plants to produce the large, beautiful fruits that we'd like to see. Oh, they're fruitful, but the tomatoes are small and seedy, and not terribly robust.

We've tried adding mushroom soil, we've tried adding lime, we've tried spritzing the leaves with Epsom salts. But nothing has been able to improve the production of our fruit.

Today at the garden store, I found an organic fertilizer specifically for growing tomatoes. I quickly scanned through the list of ingredients: potash, crushed oyster shells, chicken poop.... I was so excited about the prospect of a fertilizer that would address all the potential issues affecting the tomatoes that I didn't give much thought to the last ingredient. Chicken poop.

Once at the garden, I figured out the spacing for my plants, grabbed my spade, and dug the first hole. Then I opened the bag of fertilizer. And all I could smell was.... chicken poop. My eyes watered. I found myself gagging. I repented of ever having coveted my neighbor's chickens. I cried out, "Oh, Lord, save this poor old city girl and her tender nose from the smell of chicken poop!" Into each hole, I measured three scoops of this fertilizer. Halfway through my task I almost gave it up, closed up the bag, and planted the rest without the fertilizer. But I kept thinking about the nice, big tomatoes I'd like to harvest, so I kept scooping, and gagging, and repenting.

After the last plant was firmly in the ground, fertilized and watered, I heard the Lord reminding me of this verse: "We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.  And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation." (Romans 5:3-4, NLT)

The Christian walk requires many things to help us to grow in faith and a right relationship with God. Most of them are disciplines and practices, like fellowship with other believers, meditation on the Word, and prayer. But an untested faith will never be as strong as one that has had to stand up under terrible circumstances, so God allows us to be challenged in order to make us strong. He allows us to be challenged so that we can see His strength when we're at the end of ours. He allows us to be challenged so that we can experience His faithfulness, even when things seem hopeless. James puts it this way: ^"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.  For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." (James 1:2-4, NLT)

We will all have problems and trials. And they really stink. I mean, they stink like chicken poop. Sometimes our problems and trials make our eyes water, and they're practically unbearable, and we want to just close up the Bible and stop trying so hard and go back to just doing the bare minimum in our walk with the Lord. But it's at that point that we need to remember the fruit that we're hoping for, and repent of the things holding us back, and cry out to God for the strength to keep going. Because sometimes, in order to really grow, we need just a little bit of... chicken poop.

Sugar In the Bowl

I like a little sugar in my coffee in the mornings. Okay, to be honest, I guess you could say I like a little coffee with my sugar in the mornings. This morning, though, I found that the sugar bowl was empty. I went to refill it from the canister, but that was also empty, so I had to find the new bag of sugar. I finally had sugar in both the canister and the sugar bowl. I stirred my coffee, took that first refreshing sip, and got a nasty surprise - I had forgotten to put sugar in my coffee!

This got me thinking a little bit about my relationship with God (who would ever have thought that bitter coffee could be a religious experience?). But in particular, it got me thinking about what happens when I fail to add God into my daily experiences.

Consider this: I have read my Bible verses for the morning. I have spent time in reflection and meditation on my study passage. I have even spent my ten minutes in morning prayer. And then.... the children act up. Or an unexpected bill comes in the mail. Or I get behind a slow driver. Or dinner burns. Or long-anticipated plans fall through. How do I react?

If I am honest, more often than not I realize in the midst of my reaction that, while I may have filled my bowl with God, I have failed to stir Him into my day. And my reaction is bitter and leaves a terrible taste in my mouth.

James 1:22-24 says, "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like." 

The context of this passage deals with our reactions to temptation, stress, and disappointment. If we are daily stirring God into the day, not only filling our bowl with His word but each moment with His flavor, our responses will be righteous ones. 

Putting God in the sugar bowl of your mind will never impact your day, no matter how large or beautiful the container you use. If the sweetness of His guidance, character, and promises aren't stirred into the coffee cup of your heart, and allowed to flavor your every experience, you will not be able to truly "taste and see that the Lord is good."

The Best Seasoning

 They were the first people I really noticed when we entered the ballroom of the hotel for the art exhibit: a lovely mother with her two lovely daughters, perched in a row on a cushioned ottoman in one of the seating areas. The daughters were dressed alike, with black dresses, black tights and shoes, black woolen coats, and stylish black berets all but covering their short wavy hair. The mother also was dressed all in black, her dyed black hair long and sleek and iridescent, like the feathers of a raven. They sat upon the ottoman for some time, speaking little and smiling less, until at last the rest of the family arrived: father in a well-cut black suit, and a young boy in black pants and sport coat with a black and grey scarf wound about his neck. My daughters noted them for their fine, matching clothes and interesting hats, but I was much more interested in their interactions, such as they were.

Some time later, my family and I sat at a little table to enjoy some of the refreshments provided, and it was then that another family caught my attention. The first I saw were a young father, with scruffy beard, baseball cap, and flannel shirt untucked from his baggy jeans, and his little girl, no more than two. She was wearing a simple jumper, and her curly hair was escaping wildly from a lopsided braid. She had a dish of ice cream, and he wanted her to sit to eat it. He looked at his child as if she were his greatest treasure, and lifted her into a seat as if she were made of porcelain. Moments later he was joined by a young woman in a simple green dress, her hair caught back in a hasty twist, a happy baby dandled on her hip. I noticed how they smiled at one another, how they laughed together, how happy the children seemed.

As I reflected on these two families, I remembered Proverbs 15:17 which says, "A bowl of vegetables with someone you love is better than steak with someone you hate." The first time I was introduced to this verse was at a friend's wedding. I must admit that I was a little amused by this very unconventional choice of Scripture reading for a wedding, but it didn't take me long to see the wisdom in it. Another friend put it this way recently: "Little is much when the Lord is in it."

Now, I don't know the financial situations of either family, so I am not judging on wealth or status. I am making observations on how each family presented itself. The first was so well put together, yet seemed so unhappy. The second family presented themselves very simply and casually, yet seemed so contented.

What is it that makes that "bowl of vegetables" seem as rich and satisfying as a choice steak? It is the seasonings of love and contentment. Even the best steak, if seasoned with strife and discontent, will taste dry and bitter, and be utterly unsatisfying.

As the Apostle Paul said, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." (Philippians 4:12 NIV)

Whether your life holds little or much, whether you are sharing the simplest meals or the grandest feasts, remember that it is the seasoning you choose that makes them worth savoring.

Are you offended yet?

"Blessed are you when people hate you,
    when they exclude you and insult you
    and reject your name as evil,
        because of the Son of Man." Luke 6:22

I was watching the news this morning, and there was a spot about the latest anti-Christian controversy. Apparently, in Samuel Adam's Independence Day beer commercial this year there was a man quoting the Declaration of Independence, and they had the nerve to omit the phrase "by their Creator." Oh, the horror. Of course, they had to have a debate between the head of a secularist group and a pastor from Atlanta, GA. Of course, the pastor was offended and horrified. And I found myself rolling my eyes.

I have come to the conclusion that American believers are a spoiled lot, with a deeply ingrained entitlement mentality. We take for granted that, because we have religious liberty, and because we have had a favored status because of our majority, we will be above reproach, and will be spared mockery or insult. After all, does anyone make jokes like that about [insert non-Christian religious group of your choice]?

Not only are we deeply offended, quick to speak out and demand redress, and even ready to sue when someone, oh, tells us to take off a cross necklace at work, we then have the guts to call this "persecution." (I challenge you to go look up The Voice of the Martyrs. Read the stories of modern-day persecution - real persecution - and continue to refer to American unpopularity in the same way.)

Right.

So, whatever happened to the Beatitudes? Remember those, fellow believers? Let's review:

³ “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
⁴ Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
⁵ Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
⁶ Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
⁷ Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
⁸ Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
⁹ Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
¹⁰ Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. (Matthew 5:3-10, NIV)

Ah... But what happens in verse 11? “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me." We are told, in fact, to expect to be unpopular - hated even!

"Everyone will hate you because of me." (Luke 21:17)

"If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you." (John 15:19)

"Do not be surprised, my brothers and sisters, if the world hates you." (1 John 3:13)

Why are we so quick to be offended? Why are we so surprised when we're mocked? Why do we have such a desperate need to be accepted by the world? Why do we feel like we need to defend our position in society? God is not going to be damaged by the insults of the world, as evidenced by the nations where being a Christian can get you killed, and where the church is flourishing. But our message will be damaged by whining and complaining when people aren't nice to us.

I like the way the Message Bible ends Matthew 5:

^43-47 “You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’ and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’ I’m challenging that. I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.
⁴⁸ “In a word, what I’m saying is, Grow up. You’re kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.”

The Other Side of Tragedy

I'm listening to the news as the second Boston Bomber is being pursued.

A moment ago, the reporter mentioned that the father of these young men, who is in Russia, has been contacted. He described his younger son as incredibly bright... a second year med student. He was expecting his sons to come home soon for the summer holidays.

And then it struck me: the other side of this tragedy.

This father has lost a son, too. This father is half a world away, knowing one son is dead, and the other is in mortal danger. This father is dealing with the enormity of what his children have done.

There are two sides to every tragedy, and it is easy to forget the families of those who do evil as we focus on the victims and those who have been victimized.

I am not glad that the older brother is dead. I do not hope that the younger dies, either. I find no joy or satisfaction in any violent death. I long for justice, yes. But I also long for redemption, for a change of heart, for as many opportunities as possible for this man to receive with open arms the same grace and forgiveness as is offered to each of us.

These men did evil. But they are men. They were a mother's babies. They are someone's children, someone's nephews, someone's best friends.And I grieve for those who must live with what these boys have become.

Kyrie eleison. Lord, have mercy on us all.

Today I Planted Pansies

Today I planted pansies. This is, honestly, nothing out of the ordinary. I have planted pansies every year since I married and moved away from my parents' home. It is something of a tradition; my mother has always had pansies in memory of her mother, who always planted pansies.

My garden is one of my "happy places". I love the feeling of dirt in my hands, the smell of the rich soil, and watching as the things I plant grow and develop and flourish into beautiful flowers or tasty vegetables.

Last spring, I made the hard decision to not plant any annuals in my little backyard flower bed. My irises have become overgrown, and there really isn't much room in which to plant anything else. So I made the decision to simply let them be my garden last year, with the intention of digging them up late in the summer, discarding some, and replanting a few select bulbs. My pansies went into the large pots out front, around my large chrysanthemums.

It was a difficult spring for me, because my flower bed is a source of pride for me, so it was hard to see it looking ragged. Worse yet, because of the overcrowding of the irises, few of them bloomed, and the leaves looked wilted and holey. Beyond that, the children's sunflowers refused to sprout in their little garden, and my pansies out front failed to thrive and eventually died.

My untended flower bed became a constant source of irritation and sadness, yet I kept looking forward to the end of the summer, when I could dig up those bulbs, and make everything right for this year.

And then, in July, I discovered that lump in my breast, and everything stopped.

My summer became nothing more than endless rounds of doctors appointments. I was in a state of shock; complete emotional and physical inertia.

I underwent surgery in early autumn, and all chances of digging up the bulbs were lost for the year. Not only had I wasted my opportunity for a beautiful garden that year, I realized that this would also affect this year. My irises are still overcrowded. My garden is still overgrown.

Today I planted pansies. They were on sale at the store, 3 packs for $10. I couldn't resist! I bought two packs to plant out front in my large planters, with the hope that this year they will do better. The third pack is planted in my garden. Two little groups of three little purple pansies.

My garden is overrun with irises; there is very little room to plant anything else. Really, those two little pansy patches take up the majority of my free space. In fact, those little pansy patches may make it quite difficult to dig up those bulbs later this summer. But who knows what will happen today, or tomorrow, or next month that may keep me from digging up the overgrowth again?

It is a new year. A new spring. A new set of opportunities. And no matter what comes my way in the days ahead, at least I have my pansies.

The No-No List

For those of you who don't know me or are new to my blog, I embarked on the Breast Cancer Journey eight months ago, when I discovered a lump in my left breast. I have had a successful lumpectomy, and have completed eighteen weeks of chemotherapy, and began my radiation treatments this week, which will take me into May.

Those of you who do know me know that I have made it a point to approach this journey with a healthy amount of humor. It's amazing how much better things seem when you can find something to laugh about.


Sometimes, the things I laugh about are people's reactions to my cancer, and the things that they say. Probably my favorite comment, which I heard from numerous people during my chemotherapy, was, "You have great color!" I always wondered what color I was supposed to be, if my actual color was unexpected. Purple, perhaps, or a very becoming chartreuse. Over time, I realized that the comment was intended to refer to the fact that I had rosy cheeks despite my treatments, a realization that was cemented after my third treatment when I began suffering from terrible anemia. From that point on, we referred to it as "misplacing my melanin."

I did a quick internet search this morning to see if there were any articles on "What Not to Say to Cancer Patients," and I found several. However, I found them all lacking. For one thing, not one of them mentioned misplaced melanin and therefore were, in my book, incomplete. So I decided to make up my own "No-No" list, based on some of the things I have come across this year.

1. When you find out your friend has cancer, please do not relate horror stories. At all. Ever.

There is nothing worse for a cancer patient than hearing, "Oh, gosh! My mother's father-in-law's seventh grade gym teacher had a cancer completely unlike yours, and he grew two extra heads before his flesh melted off of his bones!" Listen, honey, my grandfather died of pneumonia, brought on by his compromised immune system from chemotherapy, and I am very well aware of Good Morning America's Robin Roberts who ended up with secondary cancer after chemotherapy for breast cancer. I know the risks. I know the worst-case scenarios. If your story doesn't have a happy ending, don't go there.

2. Don't question or criticize the cancer patient's choices of treatment...

...particularly after the procedure is a fait accompli. Once the word Cancer is pasted to your forehead, life becomes a multiple choice test, and each answer has its own level of unpleasantness. There is no decision that does not contain some amount of risk, and there is so much information thrown at the patient that every day feels like finals week in college. So when the little black dots have already been filled in with the #2 pencil and the paper has been turned in, it's not going to be very helpful to hear, "You know, I read a story last week that says that this procedure you had done two weeks ago is going to make your feet fall off, and turn your earwax fuscia."

3. Unless you've gone through, literally, the same process, give advice at your own risk.

Please do not suggest to a woman undergoing chemotherapy that she should not eat chocolate. Ditto bacon. Double-ditto coffee. You do not want to go there. Trust me, it's not pretty.

Also, this is a Really Bad Time to bring up obscure little-researched alternative and/or homeopathic treatments with absolutely no solid facts behind them. Now, you may be a firm believer in the healing power of powdered elk-antler. In fact, most people would probably be quite curious should you ask if they've heard of the miraculous healing powers of powdered elk-antler. But presenting a cancer patient with, "Only powdered elk-antlers have the power to cure cancer! Any other treatment is going to make your feet fall off, and turn your earwax fuscia!" will probably not end well for you.

4. Don't ask if you don't really want to know.

"How are you doing - really?" and "How are your treatments going?" are dangerous questions. You're really opening yourself up to learning more about the body than you'd prefer to know. You might get a very safe answer about goats throwing themselves off the hills of Gilead (See Song of Solomon...), or a slightly more disturbing relation of fingernails randomly falling off, or... well, trust me, it gets worse. There is no procedure in the breast cancer journey that is not either embarrassing, painful, or gruesome. Or some combination of two of those. Or all three. And after a while, the patient loses all sense of shock, and may be... blunt. So, unless you really want to know, stick with something safe and vague. And don't be afraid to say, "TMI!"

5. For the love of all that's chocolate, enough with the Facebook Cancer Support Pictures already!

Now, I think most cancer patients will understand and appreciate the sentiment, knowing they're being thought of by their facebook friends as they're going through their treatments. But, speaking for myself, when my friends post every prayer, dove, flower, rainbow, candle, butterfly, and fluffy kitten picture "honoring someone who has fought or is fighting cancer", all it does it make facebook one more place where I can't escape the reality of my disease.


If you really want to honor those fighting cancer, if you really want to bless me, go out and do something tangible. Call your local cancer center and offer to put together some goodie bags for people starting on their chemo journey (I got one, and it blessed me enormously!). Grow your hair long, and then cut it for Locks of Love. Knit or crochet soft caps with fun yarns for women who are left with zombie hair. Volunteer to drive cancer patients to their treatments. These things will have so much more impact on the lives of cancer patients than a picture on your facebook wall.

6. Don't assign your emotions to the cancer patient.

No, really. Do you have any idea how ridiculous it is to have an argument with someone who won't believe that I'm not depressed? That I'm fatigued because of the medication, not because of emotional distress? There have been times where I've gotten a little hot under the collar trying to get someone to believe that, actually, I'm quite happy, and have a supernatural amount of joy and peace, goshdarnit!!!!!

Ahem.

7. Don't wait for the cancer patient to initiate contact.

I'll admit that I've become a bit of a recluse since I was diagnosed with cancer. Part of this is because I simply don't have the energy to think past what I need to do. Good grief, I'll sit here for half an hour thinking about something I need to do before I actually get up and do it.

Part of it can also be completely explained with the words Chemo Brain. This is for real, folks. Chemo completely messes with your brain. My trains of thought have been known to get lost on a straight track. They have derailed before pulling out of the station. It's really sad.

So if you haven't heard from me, it may be because I sat by the phone for half an hour thinking about calling you, but by the time I get around to picking up the receiver, I've forgotten what I was going to do.

Don't be afraid to take the initiative of calling, thinking they need their rest, or want to be left alone. The chances are pretty good that a call from a friend would be just what the doctor ordered!


************************

I hope you have been able to read this article with the humor and humility with which it was written. I recognize that I have also said and done all the wrong things when I have come across someone going through tragedy or illness. So this was not written to be either critical or sarcastic. These are, honestly, things which have made me smile because I have seen how much my friends and my family care for me. This is not a journey I would have chosen, but I am so much stronger for it.