Are you offended yet?

"Blessed are you when people hate you,
    when they exclude you and insult you
    and reject your name as evil,
        because of the Son of Man." Luke 6:22

I was watching the news this morning, and there was a spot about the latest anti-Christian controversy. Apparently, in Samuel Adam's Independence Day beer commercial this year there was a man quoting the Declaration of Independence, and they had the nerve to omit the phrase "by their Creator." Oh, the horror. Of course, they had to have a debate between the head of a secularist group and a pastor from Atlanta, GA. Of course, the pastor was offended and horrified. And I found myself rolling my eyes.

I have come to the conclusion that American believers are a spoiled lot, with a deeply ingrained entitlement mentality. We take for granted that, because we have religious liberty, and because we have had a favored status because of our majority, we will be above reproach, and will be spared mockery or insult. After all, does anyone make jokes like that about [insert non-Christian religious group of your choice]?

Not only are we deeply offended, quick to speak out and demand redress, and even ready to sue when someone, oh, tells us to take off a cross necklace at work, we then have the guts to call this "persecution." (I challenge you to go look up The Voice of the Martyrs. Read the stories of modern-day persecution - real persecution - and continue to refer to American unpopularity in the same way.)

Right.

So, whatever happened to the Beatitudes? Remember those, fellow believers? Let's review:

³ “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
⁴ Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
⁵ Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
⁶ Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
⁷ Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
⁸ Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
⁹ Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
¹⁰ Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. (Matthew 5:3-10, NIV)

Ah... But what happens in verse 11? “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me." We are told, in fact, to expect to be unpopular - hated even!

"Everyone will hate you because of me." (Luke 21:17)

"If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you." (John 15:19)

"Do not be surprised, my brothers and sisters, if the world hates you." (1 John 3:13)

Why are we so quick to be offended? Why are we so surprised when we're mocked? Why do we have such a desperate need to be accepted by the world? Why do we feel like we need to defend our position in society? God is not going to be damaged by the insults of the world, as evidenced by the nations where being a Christian can get you killed, and where the church is flourishing. But our message will be damaged by whining and complaining when people aren't nice to us.

I like the way the Message Bible ends Matthew 5:

^43-47 “You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’ and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’ I’m challenging that. I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.
⁴⁸ “In a word, what I’m saying is, Grow up. You’re kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.”

The Other Side of Tragedy

I'm listening to the news as the second Boston Bomber is being pursued.

A moment ago, the reporter mentioned that the father of these young men, who is in Russia, has been contacted. He described his younger son as incredibly bright... a second year med student. He was expecting his sons to come home soon for the summer holidays.

And then it struck me: the other side of this tragedy.

This father has lost a son, too. This father is half a world away, knowing one son is dead, and the other is in mortal danger. This father is dealing with the enormity of what his children have done.

There are two sides to every tragedy, and it is easy to forget the families of those who do evil as we focus on the victims and those who have been victimized.

I am not glad that the older brother is dead. I do not hope that the younger dies, either. I find no joy or satisfaction in any violent death. I long for justice, yes. But I also long for redemption, for a change of heart, for as many opportunities as possible for this man to receive with open arms the same grace and forgiveness as is offered to each of us.

These men did evil. But they are men. They were a mother's babies. They are someone's children, someone's nephews, someone's best friends.And I grieve for those who must live with what these boys have become.

Kyrie eleison. Lord, have mercy on us all.

Today I Planted Pansies

Today I planted pansies. This is, honestly, nothing out of the ordinary. I have planted pansies every year since I married and moved away from my parents' home. It is something of a tradition; my mother has always had pansies in memory of her mother, who always planted pansies.

My garden is one of my "happy places". I love the feeling of dirt in my hands, the smell of the rich soil, and watching as the things I plant grow and develop and flourish into beautiful flowers or tasty vegetables.

Last spring, I made the hard decision to not plant any annuals in my little backyard flower bed. My irises have become overgrown, and there really isn't much room in which to plant anything else. So I made the decision to simply let them be my garden last year, with the intention of digging them up late in the summer, discarding some, and replanting a few select bulbs. My pansies went into the large pots out front, around my large chrysanthemums.

It was a difficult spring for me, because my flower bed is a source of pride for me, so it was hard to see it looking ragged. Worse yet, because of the overcrowding of the irises, few of them bloomed, and the leaves looked wilted and holey. Beyond that, the children's sunflowers refused to sprout in their little garden, and my pansies out front failed to thrive and eventually died.

My untended flower bed became a constant source of irritation and sadness, yet I kept looking forward to the end of the summer, when I could dig up those bulbs, and make everything right for this year.

And then, in July, I discovered that lump in my breast, and everything stopped.

My summer became nothing more than endless rounds of doctors appointments. I was in a state of shock; complete emotional and physical inertia.

I underwent surgery in early autumn, and all chances of digging up the bulbs were lost for the year. Not only had I wasted my opportunity for a beautiful garden that year, I realized that this would also affect this year. My irises are still overcrowded. My garden is still overgrown.

Today I planted pansies. They were on sale at the store, 3 packs for $10. I couldn't resist! I bought two packs to plant out front in my large planters, with the hope that this year they will do better. The third pack is planted in my garden. Two little groups of three little purple pansies.

My garden is overrun with irises; there is very little room to plant anything else. Really, those two little pansy patches take up the majority of my free space. In fact, those little pansy patches may make it quite difficult to dig up those bulbs later this summer. But who knows what will happen today, or tomorrow, or next month that may keep me from digging up the overgrowth again?

It is a new year. A new spring. A new set of opportunities. And no matter what comes my way in the days ahead, at least I have my pansies.

The No-No List

For those of you who don't know me or are new to my blog, I embarked on the Breast Cancer Journey eight months ago, when I discovered a lump in my left breast. I have had a successful lumpectomy, and have completed eighteen weeks of chemotherapy, and began my radiation treatments this week, which will take me into May.

Those of you who do know me know that I have made it a point to approach this journey with a healthy amount of humor. It's amazing how much better things seem when you can find something to laugh about.


Sometimes, the things I laugh about are people's reactions to my cancer, and the things that they say. Probably my favorite comment, which I heard from numerous people during my chemotherapy, was, "You have great color!" I always wondered what color I was supposed to be, if my actual color was unexpected. Purple, perhaps, or a very becoming chartreuse. Over time, I realized that the comment was intended to refer to the fact that I had rosy cheeks despite my treatments, a realization that was cemented after my third treatment when I began suffering from terrible anemia. From that point on, we referred to it as "misplacing my melanin."

I did a quick internet search this morning to see if there were any articles on "What Not to Say to Cancer Patients," and I found several. However, I found them all lacking. For one thing, not one of them mentioned misplaced melanin and therefore were, in my book, incomplete. So I decided to make up my own "No-No" list, based on some of the things I have come across this year.

1. When you find out your friend has cancer, please do not relate horror stories. At all. Ever.

There is nothing worse for a cancer patient than hearing, "Oh, gosh! My mother's father-in-law's seventh grade gym teacher had a cancer completely unlike yours, and he grew two extra heads before his flesh melted off of his bones!" Listen, honey, my grandfather died of pneumonia, brought on by his compromised immune system from chemotherapy, and I am very well aware of Good Morning America's Robin Roberts who ended up with secondary cancer after chemotherapy for breast cancer. I know the risks. I know the worst-case scenarios. If your story doesn't have a happy ending, don't go there.

2. Don't question or criticize the cancer patient's choices of treatment...

...particularly after the procedure is a fait accompli. Once the word Cancer is pasted to your forehead, life becomes a multiple choice test, and each answer has its own level of unpleasantness. There is no decision that does not contain some amount of risk, and there is so much information thrown at the patient that every day feels like finals week in college. So when the little black dots have already been filled in with the #2 pencil and the paper has been turned in, it's not going to be very helpful to hear, "You know, I read a story last week that says that this procedure you had done two weeks ago is going to make your feet fall off, and turn your earwax fuscia."

3. Unless you've gone through, literally, the same process, give advice at your own risk.

Please do not suggest to a woman undergoing chemotherapy that she should not eat chocolate. Ditto bacon. Double-ditto coffee. You do not want to go there. Trust me, it's not pretty.

Also, this is a Really Bad Time to bring up obscure little-researched alternative and/or homeopathic treatments with absolutely no solid facts behind them. Now, you may be a firm believer in the healing power of powdered elk-antler. In fact, most people would probably be quite curious should you ask if they've heard of the miraculous healing powers of powdered elk-antler. But presenting a cancer patient with, "Only powdered elk-antlers have the power to cure cancer! Any other treatment is going to make your feet fall off, and turn your earwax fuscia!" will probably not end well for you.

4. Don't ask if you don't really want to know.

"How are you doing - really?" and "How are your treatments going?" are dangerous questions. You're really opening yourself up to learning more about the body than you'd prefer to know. You might get a very safe answer about goats throwing themselves off the hills of Gilead (See Song of Solomon...), or a slightly more disturbing relation of fingernails randomly falling off, or... well, trust me, it gets worse. There is no procedure in the breast cancer journey that is not either embarrassing, painful, or gruesome. Or some combination of two of those. Or all three. And after a while, the patient loses all sense of shock, and may be... blunt. So, unless you really want to know, stick with something safe and vague. And don't be afraid to say, "TMI!"

5. For the love of all that's chocolate, enough with the Facebook Cancer Support Pictures already!

Now, I think most cancer patients will understand and appreciate the sentiment, knowing they're being thought of by their facebook friends as they're going through their treatments. But, speaking for myself, when my friends post every prayer, dove, flower, rainbow, candle, butterfly, and fluffy kitten picture "honoring someone who has fought or is fighting cancer", all it does it make facebook one more place where I can't escape the reality of my disease.


If you really want to honor those fighting cancer, if you really want to bless me, go out and do something tangible. Call your local cancer center and offer to put together some goodie bags for people starting on their chemo journey (I got one, and it blessed me enormously!). Grow your hair long, and then cut it for Locks of Love. Knit or crochet soft caps with fun yarns for women who are left with zombie hair. Volunteer to drive cancer patients to their treatments. These things will have so much more impact on the lives of cancer patients than a picture on your facebook wall.

6. Don't assign your emotions to the cancer patient.

No, really. Do you have any idea how ridiculous it is to have an argument with someone who won't believe that I'm not depressed? That I'm fatigued because of the medication, not because of emotional distress? There have been times where I've gotten a little hot under the collar trying to get someone to believe that, actually, I'm quite happy, and have a supernatural amount of joy and peace, goshdarnit!!!!!

Ahem.

7. Don't wait for the cancer patient to initiate contact.

I'll admit that I've become a bit of a recluse since I was diagnosed with cancer. Part of this is because I simply don't have the energy to think past what I need to do. Good grief, I'll sit here for half an hour thinking about something I need to do before I actually get up and do it.

Part of it can also be completely explained with the words Chemo Brain. This is for real, folks. Chemo completely messes with your brain. My trains of thought have been known to get lost on a straight track. They have derailed before pulling out of the station. It's really sad.

So if you haven't heard from me, it may be because I sat by the phone for half an hour thinking about calling you, but by the time I get around to picking up the receiver, I've forgotten what I was going to do.

Don't be afraid to take the initiative of calling, thinking they need their rest, or want to be left alone. The chances are pretty good that a call from a friend would be just what the doctor ordered!


************************

I hope you have been able to read this article with the humor and humility with which it was written. I recognize that I have also said and done all the wrong things when I have come across someone going through tragedy or illness. So this was not written to be either critical or sarcastic. These are, honestly, things which have made me smile because I have seen how much my friends and my family care for me. This is not a journey I would have chosen, but I am so much stronger for it.

Unapologetically Pro Life

You shall not murder. Exodus 20:13

Murder. Retzach (Hebrew): to break, to dash to pieces, to destroy; to slay, kill, murder. The taking of innocent life.

We can look at our American history, and find one incident after another of retzach on a mass scale.

• On April 19, 1995, the Oklahoma City bombing claimed 168 lives, including 19 children under the age of six.  
• On April 20, 1999, two teenaged boys murdered twelve fellow students and a teacher at the Columbine High School in Colorado.
• On September 11, 2001, 2,753 men, women, and children lost their lives when hijackers flew three airliners into the Twin Towers and the Pentagon.
• On October 2, 2006 a man murdered five girls at an Amish one-room schoolhouse in Nickel Mines, PA.
• Twelve people, one of them a six year old girl, were lost when a gunman opened fire in a packed theater in Aurora, CO on July 20, 2012.
• The Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting on December 14, 2012 claimed the lives of twenty first-graders and six adults.

You must not make the land where you live unclean. The land is not holy when people are killed. And only the blood of him who is guilty can pay to make the land free from the blood that has fallen on it. Numbers 35:33 NLV

I don't believe there is one among us who is not appalled, repulsed, and horrified by those six examples listed above. These are unthinkable events. The loss of innocent life through murder is astounding.

An area more debated is that of wartime loss of life, particularly when we judge the loss of life of our "enemies." Many people are not aware that the US has been executing airstrikes - both manned and unmanned - on the nations of Pakistan, Yemen, and Somalia at an increasing pace. Consider the following statistics from these three nations:

• From 2004 to September, 2012, Pakistan has lost 2,570-3,337 people. 474-884 were listed as civilians; 176 of them were children.
• From 2002 to September, 2012, as many as 1,026 have been killed in Yemen through airstrikes. Between 60 and 163 of those killed were civilians, 24-34 of them children
• From 2007 to September, 2012 US airstrikes have claimed 56-170 lives in Somalia, as many as 57 of them civilians, three of those children.

Now, when you see how much greater the number of casualties is than the number of civilians, consider the following: When tallying casualties, the CIA counts all military-aged men as combatants. This is a mind-blowing thing to consider. This is unthinkable loss of life.

Whoever sheds human blood, by humans shall their blood be shed;
for in the image of God has God made mankind. Genesis 9:6

 The destruction of innocent life grieves me. This is why I am completely, unapologetically, pro-life.

This week, I turn 40. 40 years ago, I was born with a severely clubbed foot. I underwent two corrective surgeries, and had a childhood of corrective shoes and physical therapy and doctor's appointments, which must have been an immense financial burden to my parents.

This week also sees the 40th anniversary of Roe v. Wade, legislation which made abortion legalized in this nation. In the last 40 years, the United States has seen approximately 54 million abortions.

 Because of Roe v. Wade, I was given the option to terminate my pregnancies, should they be inconvenient, difficult, or result in damaged children. I will never, ever forget my first visit with my obstetrician in the early glow of my first pregnancy thirteen years ago. I will never, ever forget the horror with which I heard him ask me, "If your baby is seen to have a clubbed foot, will you choose to terminate the pregnancy?" In other words, if your baby is inconvenient, imperfect, of less worth, like you, do you want to scrap it and try over?

We have been taught and conditioned to believe that abortion has nothing to do with ending a life. We have been taught and conditioned to believe that it's simply expelling a complex tissue mass. And I believed that those who champion "choice" believed that to be true; that they could not possibly champion a cause believing in their hearts that each abortion ended a baby's life. Then I came across an article that contained the following quotes:

"I performed abortions, I have had an abortion and I am in favor of women having abortions when we choose to do so. But we should never disregard the fact that being pregnant means there is a baby growing inside of a woman, a baby whose life is ended. We ought not to pretend this is not happening." Judith Arcana, 1999

"[The idea of] dismembering a baby and pulling it out in pieces … is obviously horrific. But at the same time, it is easy to get caught up in that emotion." Julia Black, 2004 ABC interview regarding her film, My Fetus

"Abortion is in some sense an act of violence, and indisputably results in the termination of a life." Kathleen McDonnell, 2003, from her book Not An Easy Choice: A Feminist Re-examines Abortion

"Most of the abortions in America are about convenience. People need to accept abortion for what it is: a valid part of the reproductive spectrum. I want it to be seen as normal; if 1.3 million women in this country have one every year, it’s gotta be normal... I remember feeling conflicted about the magic of being pregnant. I felt electricity running through my body. Not for a minute did I not think of it as a life. I knew it was a baby." Penny Lane, 2004 Salon Magazine interview

In my heart of hearts, I believe abortion of convenience is murder. It is retzach. I have felt life growing within me, felt the flutters and kicks beneath my heart, seen my twelve-week-gestational jelly beans and heard their hearts beat. And as we observe this milestone anniversary, my heart breaks.

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
    you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
    Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
    I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
    you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
    how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
    all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
    before I’d even lived one day. Psalm 139:13-16 MSG

It's Not a Matter of "If"

Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him... Job 13: 15a

This phrase is what ran through my head as I drove home from the cancer center on Friday. I required a shot to boost my immune system, which I knew would be painful for days to come. I had been so excited when my oncologist said I could do without it after my last treatment; now I was deeply disappointed to have required this shot after all, and drove home knowing that my compromised immunity might very well mean that my return to teaching preschool was premature, and that this source of joy in my week may well be taken from me once again.

Now, I know this is very different from being slain, but it's a matter of choosing how I am going to respond to bad news, even when it's the worst-case scenario. And what really struck me, as I looked at this passage a little more, is that Job is not saying "if." This verse is more accurately phrased, "He will surely slay me; I have no hope..."

So, what do I do when it's not a matter of "if"? Here are the things I could insert, on my Job days:

Though [the pain is hard to bear; my strength fails; my courage slips; joy is hard to hold onto; the tears flow; sleep is hard and waking is harder; the mirror is hard to face; discouragement threatens], yet will I [hope in him; trust in him; praise him; thank him; seek him; call to him; cry to him; sing for him; work for him].

You turned my wailing into dancing;
    you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, 
 that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.
    Lord my God, I will praise you forever. Psalm 30:11-12

How about you? How will you respond when it's not a matter of "if"?

Honesty: Still the Best Policy

"Even children show what they are by what they do; you can tell if they are honest and good." Proverbs 20:11

Let me begin with a confession: Honesty is not something that has ever been easy for me. As a child in particular, I had a terrible time with telling the truth. Even today, when I am in a bind, my first instinct is to bend the truth a bit in order to save face; it is a victory every time I overcome that inclination and choose the truth. I have learned the hard way, living with people's lack of trust and my own guilt, how important honesty and integrity are, so perhaps this hard-won battle is why I am so firm with my children on the topic of honesty, and why the following discussion is weighing so heavily on my mind.

You see, this week I asserted that lying, particularly deliberate misrepresentation of who you are, is bad. For this, I was called narrow-minded and judgmental. I even had Matthew 7:1 quoted to me. Now, there are times when I can concede that my way might not work for someone else, that it's up for interpretation, that your perspective is valid, and so on. However, I simply cannot reconcile teaching my children to tell the truth all the time, teaching them that personal honesty and integrity in all parts of their lives is essential, and deliberate misrepresentation.

So, what is this weighty topic which spurred this intense debate?

Facebook. Namely, allowing your child to have a Facebook account before they are thirteen.

Now, I'm sure some of you are looking at the screen saying, "Seriously? That's not a big deal at all!" In fact, some of you may have helped your child get an account early yourselves.

I dealt with this question last year, when my twelve-year-old daughter's best friend, who was eleven at the time, got a Facebook account. I was told that it was "not fair." However, I told her that to get her an account I would have to lie about her age. Did she want me to be a liar? She still is unhappy about not being on Facebook, and simply cannot wait for her birthday this spring, but she no longer asks for one, because she recognizes that my integrity is at stake.

I understand that Facebook is not a huge issue, in the grand scheme of things. The person with whom I had the conflict this week even had a reasonable excuse for getting her child on early - namely, to keep her child in contact with long-distance relatives. Her reasoning goes back to a concept called "situational ethics," which basically asserts that there are no universal rights or wrongs; that each situation demands its own application of values.

Episcopal pastor Joseph Fletcher phrased situation ethics in a clearly Christian context, which says that love is the only absolute value. In his "Naturalism, situation ethics, and value theory," Fletcher asserts:

Since 'circumstances alter cases', situationism holds that in practice what in some times and places we call right is in other times and places wrong... For example, lying is not ordinarily in the best interest of interpersonal communication and social integrity, but is justifiable nevertheless in certain situations.

 I will agree with Fletcher, to a point. If telling the truth will cost someone their life or safety, I would probably lie. For example, those many people who sheltered Jews from the Nazis lied to save lives. Even Rahab lied to save the lives of the Hebrew spies in the book of Joshua. It must be understood, however, that even these "good" lies carried the potential of dire consequences.

But for the sake of convenience? Because I "know better"? Because it's something I want, or deserve, or am entitled to?

Allow me to take this issue of personal misrepresentation a little further. Allow me to offer some other scenarios, similar to getting an underage child on Facebook. We will start with the sentence, "Because I want my child to have contact with his/ her grandparents, I will lie about his/ her age to get him/ her a Facebook account." Now, I will take that sentence and substitute certain words:

•  Because I want my child to have a positive social experience, I will lie about his/ her age to get him/ her into the latest R-rated movie with his/ her friends.
• Because I want my child to have an excellent education, I will lie on his/ her college application to get him/ her into a better school.
• Because I want my child to have a good job, I will help him/ her lie about his/ her experience on his/ her resume.

 Do these sound as reasonable? Just like the Facebook account, they are all rooted in a loving motivation - the best social, academic, and employment opportunities possible. But are they right?

I heard a man on the radio this morning assert that, while Lance Armstrong was wrong to destroy the character of those who accused him of doping, he was justified in cheating and lying about it, because he had a hard life, and besides they kept making the courses harder. Situationalism. Is it right to lie and cheat because it's hard, and it's the only way to get ahead?

And consider the current case of college football star Manti Te'o. Either he misrepresented himself and devised the elaborate hoax of a fictional girlfriend in order to gin up sympathy and fame, or he had such a hoax perpetrated on him by people who misrepresented themselves to him.

Or how about politicians, who misrepresent themselves and their positions in order to get elected?

Suddenly, finding yourself on the receiving end of personal misrepresentation (dishonesty, lying) doesn't seem so reasonable.

It is positively amazing how many passages can be found in the Bible on the topics of integrity and honesty and uprightness.

"But this is what you must do: Tell the truth to each other. Render verdicts in your courts that are just and that lead to peace.  Don’t scheme against each other. Stop your love of telling lies that you swear are the truth. I hate all these things, says the Lord.” (Zechariah 8:16-17, NLT)

Here is another:

Guard my life and rescue me;
    do not let me be put to shame,
    for I take refuge in you.

May integrity and uprightness protect me,
    because my hope, Lord, is in you.  (Psalm 25:20-21)

From Proverbs 10:

Honest people are safe and secure, but the dishonest will be caught. (verse 9)

Storms come, and the wicked are blown away, but honest people are always safe. (verse 25)

The Lord protects honest people, but destroys those who do wrong. (verse 29)

Situationalism surrounds us. Our culture is filled with individualism, relative morality, and "ends justifies the means" thinking. But for me, I am choosing to develop a lifestyle of honesty and integrity, and will continue to cultivate the same in my daughters. While some things may be up to interpretation, I will continue to maintain that lying, dishonesty, misrepresentation, are wrong. It may be more difficult sometimes, but an "upright life" is actually the freer life - free from guilt, free from fear of being caught, free from loss of trust. Honesty, as they say, is the best policy.

.